"Farts, Fears, and Frenzies: A Journey in Vegas"

Unfiltered Chaos: Elevator Nightmares, Vegas Escapades, and Halloween Prep

In this episode of 'The Shit Show,' join April and Cindy as they dive into their latest adventures and mishaps. From vacation tales in Vegas, including a panic-inducing elevator blackout, to hilarious cocktail concoctions gone wrong, this episode is packed with unfiltered fun. They discuss their upcoming Halloween plans, curse-laden farts, and what they would tell their younger selves. Get ready for raw and unfiltered discussions with your favorite hot mess express conductors!

00:00 Welcome to The Shit Show!

00:34 Vacation Recap: Crazy Stories and Elevator Fiascos

00:54 Cocktail Time: Redneck Mai Tai

03:41 Vegas Adventures: Concerts, Slots, and Panic

12:05 Halloween Plans and Costume Ideas

16:26 Fart Talk: The Unfiltered Truth

24:00 Advice to Our Younger Selves

26:15 Reflecting on Parenthood Choices

27:03 Marriage and Life Decisions

27:31 Living Independently and Traveling

29:54 Dreams of Missionary Work

35:24 Friendships and Trust Issues

37:10 Halloween Plans and Traditions

44:30 Upcoming Events and Preparations

47:52 Cosmetic Procedures and Aging

50:40 Closing Remarks and Farewell

Transcript

Vernon: 0:00

Welcome to The Shit Show, where the drinks are strong, the stories are stronger, and we still haven't figured out how to use a filter! I'm talking both language and Instagram, folks. Get ready for another episode of unfiltered chaos with your favorite hot mess express conductors! Hi guys. It's your favorite podcast duo. If you want me to be honest, I'm April. I'm Cindy. And we're back. Welcome back. Welcome back to The Shit Show. Yeah. Back from Vacation Girl. I had a nice long vacation without me. Mm-hmm. It was crazy. Had a good time. Had a good time. But before we get into all that. Before we do the whole shenanigans and talk shit.'cause we shit talk shit about shit. We're shit talkers. We have to have our cocktail first. Yes. So it's cocktail time. And just so you all are aware, first of all, this look like poison. You sure this ain't antifreeze you're husband made? Yeah. Boy. Um, this is a special concoction that Cindy came up with. Okay. God, help us and we're gonna try it out first here on the show if you want me to be on it. Let's see. Blow. Yeah. Dang. Got what is in there. For sure, for sure. What is, what is the liquor in there? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. It tastes like antifreeze. It does, but I like it. Just so you're aware. That's the trick, bro. Well, we tried these drinks on here. It's our first time having a drink for the day. I know. It doesn't seem like that. I know this is our first sip, but the watermelon smells good. So the name of that drink? Mm-hmm. Is redneck my tie? Mm-hmm. From yours? Truly a redneck herself. Mm. Okay. That's me. That's right. That's me. Red Nicko. I got that from Blake Sheldon's restaurant. It has rum. Haven Coconut Rum. Mm. Bacardi black. That's what I taste. Mm-hmm. Mountain Dew. That's Melon. liquor. That's why. And pineapple juice. Now. Little, little story. Lemme little Diddy about April and Scott. Okay. Okay. We went to New Orleans years ago. Okay. And I thought I was a big girl. Trying to hang with Scotty. Okay. Okay. Good luck. I know and I wanted to show the boys how I could send a drink. And it was a, it was a giant, a giant trying to be cool Ale Yard, trying to be one of the cool kids. I was trying to be cool and it was frozen. Not only did it gimme a breath freeze and a throat freeze. Dumb ass. I got drunk as shit and puked. And it was from a place that it was known to be the home of the hand grenade. It was called the hand grenade. Can we make that here? It was Melon la that's what the fuck this is pretty much. Oh, well, we'll be fine. I don't You wanna see who could do your past Hell no. No. That gives me PTS. How was I gonna know that you're a drunk and our, your past life? You should know. You should know.'cause most of the time I'm drunk with you. Yeah, you pretty much, but we only drink so often. It's on occasions. People on occasions. All right. So how, how was your trip? Let's hear about the ship. Speaking of vacations. Mm-hmm. Okay. First of all, Vegas. Was great, had a great time with Zach and Ag and our friend Eric, and of course Scotty, um, really good time. Went to the concert, ended up getting free tickets for one of the days. Okay. Um, was good. Won some money. Chaching Chaching. Yeah, chaching. Chaching on the slots. Right. Okay. Everything was going good. Then. Then on one of the days, I think it was a Sunday coming down in the elevator. Oh no. Now mind you, our room's on the 33rd floor. You shit your pants. That would be amazing. That would not even have been. A sad story. I would've not even made it whole story for the people in the elevator. Would've. Well, it was the family. Okay, so they're used to it. Um, no. The motherfucking power went out. Shut, shut up. Thank you. Hello. Shut down the elevator. Black out. No, dead silent, dude. My, uh, okay. First of all, I fucking hate my husband and Zach because they kept messing with you. I instant panic mode goes, I thought we were dying. We're dropping to our death. Okay. Oh Jesus. I should have probably dropped to the floor and just started doing hail maile, Mary fool, grace, all of a sudden, okay, I'm just saying, but I didn't Okay. Me, I go into,'cause you know, I'm call the front desk. I'm a fighter. Yeah. Okay. I am not going flight. I'm not gonna leave these idiots to die. Yeah. Don't leave'em to me. Okay. So I instant my brain says, turn your phone light on. Turn the light on. Find the alarm button. Push the alarm button. Nothing. It didn't go off. Nothing. No. All of a sudden generator kicks in. I'm panicking. I'm, I'm literally, I, I'm panicking. I get up on the next floor. Floor. Well, Scott's going, he's so stupid because they're all drunk. Oh, they think it's funny. Okay. I'm literally having, I, I almost had a heart attack. Okay? I'm gonna be honest with you. All of a sudden you feel it kick in and I'm like, okay, you can't tell, are we fucking drop it? Like what's happening? Yeah, it's dead silent. Okay? And it starts lowering and then finally stops at a floor. Opens up. Dude, I must have been sheet white. It's a wonder I did not literally shit my pants. First of all, I couldn't shit for the whole time I was there and it should have been, would've taught these fuckers a lesson to fuck with me. Okay. I get outta the elevator. Mm-hmm. Me and Poor Little egg too. She was like, oh my God, mom, what the fuck happened? And I said. Um, okay. I'm there. Power starts coming back on generators. Zach's like, just let it all load back up. It'll be fine. We'll be, we will be fine. Mm-hmm. He goes to push the button for the next elevator. Uhuh Uhuh, Charlie. No. No. Yeah, but what are you gonna go down all them stairs? We were going to, but you know, somebody can't make it down the stairs so quick. He would've get on the, he, he is the one who said it. Down. He's like, I'll do it. Let's go. Down's. Easier than up. Well, yeah, of course. For him. So, yeah. But I said, first of all, I ain't doing shit. You gimme a motherfucking minute. Catch my breath. What floor were you on at the time? That after, well all of a sudden we went from 33 to 17. Oh, okay. Well you're closer. I'm uh, okay. But what happened in between? What do you mean? We were coming down and it pretty much immediately, how did we get to 17? It slowly. Yeah. And you didn't notice it, bitch, that's bitchy. It's a problem. Yeah, that's bitchy as hell. Scott said. It's not possible for it to drop to, its the brakes would have to completely go out. Okay. Okay. Power. So maybe you went down further than you thought before it stopped. We must have. I was probably chicha Charlie. Whopping like I always do. You know me fucking shit somewhere. My God, it was the most traumatic thing. But how much fun I have ne after. You thought that was funny? See, now you got a story. It was funny. Real fucking funny. Now you got a good story. No, I don't. I almost died. Well, your kids would've been all right. And your husband now, usually when people have near death experiences, your life flashes before your eyes. Mine didn't. What's that tell you? Yeah, that shit blanked out. It was like, no. It. Don't wanna remember nothing. Right. Shut that shit down. It don't wanna remember, you're done. Okay. So anyway, that was my, my experience in Vegas sounds like fun to me. Dude. I was pan every time I went to go get in an elevator. I was scared the rest of the time we were there because you were nervous about it. Then we went from that. We were on our way to a very fancy, first of all, fancy dinner. Mm. But after that, we were going over to a, um, rooftop bar. Fucking thing's taller than our Yeah. I had to go up taller than man. Nobody wants to get know. I can't, I'm, I'm just telling you 1 55 stories. So needless to say, she's a wuss. I'm the only person that knew how to survive. Okay, gotcha. Zach said he, he instant, Zach was like, looked up and was like, yeah, I ain't getting through that fucking crawl. He said, I thought I might have to turn into Spider-Man or something. Aw shit. He would've been stuck. Yeah. So that was my experience in Vegas, but I did win some money. That's good. Um, hit for$500 on a slot machine. But first thing, you didn't quit, did you? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She's the problem. I would've quit. I kept racking and rolling. Drained the account. Bring it back up. Oh my. Drain the account. My god. Bring it back up. Yeah. Good job. But it was a good time. I'm glad you had fun. Yeah. What did you do there? Because I worked Okay. I heard you had a little more than that. Oh, the weekend? Yeah. Mm-hmm. It was Mark's birthday over the weekend. That was a joke. Happy birthday Mark. How'd that go? He got drunk. Mm. Real drunk. Mm. He don't remember me and Brina singing Happy birthday to him. He don't remember who cooked dinner. That's the best kind of drunk though. He is It not for him. He got sick. Mm. He got sick an hour after I made him this$30 steak. Okay. He vomited it up. Talk about fucking waste. Yeah, you should. My money. Put it in a bowl for him the next day and the next day he couldn't get out of bed. He thought he was dying. Oh. All through the night. I let him get up. Isn't that the story of this back and forth? I don. I let him pace back and forth. He got out that blood pressure cuff? Yes. Said his blood pressure was high. He thought he was in the elevator with me. He did. And when I got up in the morning I said, Hey babe, and he's like, you didn't come check on me. No, no. Why would I, sorry. Keep getting drunk. I don't give a shit. So he was outta commission on Monday and I thought I was gonna be home alone in my nice, quiet, clean house. Mm-hmm. Working. Nope. Nope. He stayed home, but he was sick. Wow. That's what he gets. Yeah. He didn't even hardly eat. Control your liquor. Yeah. Okay. Know your limits. Yeah. Be professionals like us. Only drink on occasion. Okay. We can do it. Sorry. Oh, got got guy that's got mountain de it. I don't taste the Mountain Dew. I taste. I taste just ass. And I don't eat as, so I'm just saying, I don't know. What is it? It's imagine a black liquor taste. What is it? Like black liquor? You said something Black liquor racist. No, you did. You said black. Black. I said black rum. There you go. I was right. Of course I was right. I thought you were meaning like licorice, black licorice. No, black licorice. That's why I was like, okay. Okay. Okay. Liquor. Hell, I just met her tribute to my brother-in-law, Paul. Oh gosh. You know, he coming home soon. I know. Are you excited? Yes, I am. I'm so excited. I, I'm excited too. Can't wait. This, I think, is gonna be the first time he's ever been to one of our Halloween parties. It's gonna be fun. I wonder what he's gonna dress up. I'm hoping he goes all out like, you know, he's been waiting to be invited to one of these parties for years. Well, you guys keep putting names on him, so you gotta dress a certain Dane code. So she's gotta dress something that starts with a A, I have to dress with something that starts with a C. I have no idea what to B. That's cool. I try to get Mark to do milk and cookies. He said, no, he is not being no dumb ass milk and he wants to be Captain Morgan. I said, it's Captain Morgan. He said his name is Morgan. Just'cause he is a captain in his father. Well, you're the, you should be the captain and he should be. Yeah, but how, who's gonna dress? He can dress like Morgan. I can dress like a captain of a boat or something, I guess, I don't know. Sounds stupid as hell to me. I'm just saying I try to be milk and he don't wanna listen like it. Whatever. Well, what are you gonna do? Be Cindy? See, this is the problem I got with you every fucking Halloween. Yes. I don't love dressing up. You can't just be yourself. I don't like dressing up. I mean, I know you're scary. Don't get me wrong. I can be Cinderella. Yeah. Nobody's doing all that. Oh, I am. You love it though. I love Halloween. I do. You love dressing. I love Halloween, but I don't like dressing up. What, what part of Halloween do you like? Let's have this conversation. Okay. Okay, so how do you love Halloween? Okay, because you like to be scared. I like to be scared. Okay. I don't, I do. Okay. You like candy? I like going walking with trick or treaters. Dude, fuck that. That's fun. I don't need fuck. It's too much exercise. I hand that fucking candy out. When you sit home. It's boring. No, it's one time. Time. Last year and that's the first year and probably 30 years. I done all those little kids come wobbling up to you. No, I like to go walk up. The big kids walk up. I like to fuck with them. I'm like careful. This year might be a razor in there. Me, me and Mark go walk by ourself to watch the kids run. And not only that, the house are decorate. It is fun. Do you remember that when we were kids? Yeah. Coming. You remember coming home? Let me ask you, what was y'all's routine of Halloween? You get dressed up and you go and house the house, get the candy, come home, check to make sure there's no poison in it. Mm-hmm. And eat it. Mm-hmm. Okay. You wanna know how greedy this is? Some greedy ass fucking kids. We were, me and my brother. Pretty sure my sister did it, but my sister was, she was too cool for, she was too bougie. Yeah, she was too cool for us. Sometimes Jimmy and I would have like 15 different little costumes. Yes, that new mask. I know. And then go trade that shit out and run back. That's fun. We were so hood. Our trick or treat bag was a pillowcase bitch. Mine too. Yeah. You wrap that shit up. You know what you were, somebody tried to steal your bag. Shit. I stole somebody's bag one time. Did you? Yeah. It's fun. But it's fun. It was fun at the time, but then I was like, that's so not nice. It is, man. But back you got, got, you got, got you. Use pillowcases. Yeah. You use sheets for to be a ghost. Mm. You just wear your raggedy clothes to be a bum. I like back in the day also, you were like, what do I wanna be? Let's be a baby. Yes. Okay. Wear some fucking shorts and a tank top and fucking put enough in your mouth. Yeah. It was easier and cheap. Yeah. But now we go to these Halloween parties. You gotta spend a hundred dollars on a costume you never gonna wear again in your entire life. That's why you do Amazon return. Well, he, sorry. Secret. Secret. I can't do I tell do that. Well. I don't do that.'cause I usually make my costume. Yeah. I'm pretty fucking creative. Me and Kim did White Chicks last year. That shit was hilarious, dude. That's true. It looked good, dude. And then, weren't y'all like, or was it Kim that y'all were the, um, swans? Pink and White. That's the white chicks. Oh. From the movie White Chicks. Oh, I thought you shot that was what they were. No, you need to be, you need to watch some tv. I mean, have you never seen the movie White Shits? It's not that funny to me. Oh, see, you don't even know what you're missing. Yeah, I don't think it's that funny. Just like you gotta watch it with somebody who's funny. They been tours and stuff. I can't stand, uh, he's not funny to me at all. Okay. See, farting and shitting is funny to me. I've told you that. Pretty. Yeah. You got problems, dude. Okay, wait, do we go on that cruise and I fart in the morning? Look, this is what scares a, a morning farter. It's funny when I see it or hear it. From a far, well, they ain't far. I don't a far Don't wanna smell it or taste it. Okay. Mine don't smell. I, I'm gonna tell you, this bitch is perfect. This bitch. Well most of the time they don't spell smell. Spell smell. No. My D's shit farts. So your fart smells every time? God damn right. Mine don't, no. Sometimes. Who just, okay, hold on. I'm not Charing, I'm farting. It's still coming outta your ass hole. Colon shit. Hole, bag. Mines clean shit bag. What do you fuck? There's no way that everybody's fart smells every time. You must be doing a fucking enema then on a regular. Not nothing, nothing, nothing. Your shit hole can't be that clean, bro. There's no way. It's your stomach. Excuse me, right? Excuse me. People there every time you far it stinks. No, that's not true. Okay, I'm gonna need to put a pole up on here and I'm gonna need y'all to go ahead and let me know. Mom, I'm gonna win. I'm gonna win. Okay, well, we'll see. Maybe you're just used to being around your family and, and they're a bunch of shitters. They fart and stink when they fart. Now Scott claims to have water farts. See, okay, well water farts, aren't they just meaning sound different? Well, because he drinks water, it puts air in his stomach and then he farts. That's what he claims at night. He, he calls out, that's water. I said, that's how you shit your pants because I've never seen him drink water. Water farts me as you shit your pants? Yes. Okay. I don't have water farts. It's just loud. Yeah, dry. Oh my God. Like, is it like, it's like a to Lemme see if I can find what it's like. What, what does your fart sound like? Which one is your fart? Listen. Nothing. No. That was your fart. Nothing. Is that what your fart is? Pretty much. And turned my speaker on. Sorry. I think it shut off on us. Okay. Now I'm gonna need to know, let's go through the role of farts. Okay. You tell me your, and I tell you mine and name you. Right? Right. Okay. Here we go. Nothing and nothing. All right. We're gonna try it one more time. Nope. Okay. Wow. Nope. That sounds. I might not make it. You're so Okay, good. That's, I'm gonna piss myself. That's my, mine's like a ball. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So mine's pretty similar to that too. Oh, okay. I mean, I'm gonna be honest, we're really screwed if, if the two of us are going on a cruise, we're screwed. Know. We're screwed. Mine, I'm in the back For Mike and Amberley, we might have to, for warning down, we might be here farts instead of sex. You know how you pee? Yeah. You like knock on the door. Really? We're sorry. My tummy's upset. Oh, wait till on the balcony. I'm just saying that big one to me. No. Okay. I'm, mine's just a boom. I've done that. But most of mine are, my brother used to call it, uh, base. That's especially when I was pregnant with Shane Base. That's what I got. Oh dude. I was, I was definitely, what's the loud fart though? Go up to the top. I like a hard. No, you just shit. Your pants far. Go to the loud part. Who shits like that? That's, that's you. Shit. Your pants. Okay. Okay. No, mine's more a bass. That's not a loud fart to me. No, that's like a, that bassy one was That's a tight ass is what that is. Okay. That's somebody who doesn't shit much. That might be what my sister's fart sounds like. Actually. Hey, she don't like to talk about it. She don't fart as far as everybody's concerned. Anyway, when we go on the cruise, you're just gonna suffer. That's, that sounds like a bad person part. A fat person of mine, it was feed for Real and passed out. I'm laughing too hard though. I'm not getting oxygen to my blood. All right, one last part. You can't help yourself just because, okay. I think this might be mine. Okay. Okay. Listen closely. Great. What? That can be mine too. It just don't get the extra, I'm just saying. That might be it. But anyway. But Gabby says you're a stink. Every one of them I don't deny. Then that's a, because that's a lot of, a lot of fault. My shit don't stink. Okay. My shit stinks. I done never claimed that my shit. Smells like roses. Mine don't smell like roses. Bitch, when you, you know, your farts stink when you're carrying around poopourri spray in your purse. I've never had that because you're scared. You on on pee and then you fart in the toilet. Yeah. All right. Damn right. I am. All right. Well, we'll have to talk about that when we come back from the cruise about the farts. God, I feel sorry for everybody anywhere near us, but anyway, we're not ladies. Ladies don't talk about this, did we? And fart. I mean, if you want me to be honest, they really do fart. Most women, most They all fart? No, every person farts. Oh, okay. Just most people will lie about it. Hey, I think I seen most women lie about it. I ain't lying about shit. No, I don't either. I used to tell Scott up front, listen, the moment he farted in front of me, you done fucked up because I've been. Holding him farts. That's, lemme just say something. Mark thinks it's so disgusting when I fart. It is. I get it. He walks away and he's like, you're disgusted. I know. And I'm like, I laugh and say I don't give a fuck. I think that shit's funny as hell to me. I mean, I, I just think I'm being real. I think I got a buzz already. He done liquered us up. Look how much I drank compared to you though, liquor. Hell, I just met him. Sorry, I had another outta control. Another moment. But yeah. Okay. So, um, also we were gonna talk about what, what was the funny thing we were gonna talk about? Well, I was just getting ready to reference it. Okay. Reference it. Okay. So, like, when Scott and I first met, I said, you know, I, I, I held in farts. Well everybody does. When they first held in farts, boy that would fucking, you don't wanna eat. Many times I had to go home. Fart. I was like, listen, because he lived on like 19th Street. I lived on ninth Street. Oh, so you I ride a bicycle over there or I had my dad's van. You know it, his painter van. Weird. So just jump in and fart a weird and get back out? No, I drove off and went home and shit. And then I came back. Now I can fart anywhere. I can't shit in public. Isn't that weird? I got shit on shit. I don't know why. Probably'cause one time I was at the airport. Oh, there we go. And I had to shit real bad. Two young girls came in there as I was shitting and what? And they were like, oh my God, who the what, the, and I just sat there. I was like, I know. Shit, dude. Lift your feet. They don't know. I came out of that bathroom dying laughing, told Kim embarrassed. This is why I don't shit in public, dude, because only me. Stink so bad we wouldn't have a problem. That's what I'm saying this I'm trying to say. But anyway, I think about this. What would I tell my younger self? Let's talk about when we were younger. I don't know if you want me to be as an older. Yes, you do need to be honest. Well, because that's the name of the show. Hopefully nobody listens to this. My family, well, for me. If I'm being honest, I would've told myself, let it rip girl from the beginning. That's what you would've told me, mom. Fuck yeah, girl. I caused myself so much stomach pain and prob, it's probably why I stink. Did it's got years of whole new farts. Yeah. Build up. See, I don't hold in farts. That's what I'm saying. One time I remember sleep. Fallen asleep. Me and Mark, when we first got together mm-hmm. We, I was just fell asleep and I guess I farted. I didn't know, you know, in my sleep in years, that's the best. And all of a, a sudden her mark say, oh, that wasn't, and I woke up. I woke up and said, what? And he said nothing. He said nothing. Now I went back to sleep. I'm guessing, I how you know you have a good man. He said nothing. I fell back asleep. Would've, but I'm pretty sure that was a fart.'cause what else could have been, that wasn't nice? What did I do? Maybe you kicked him in the nuts. No, hit them. No, you definitely farted sleep farts are the worst. Yeah. Well I probably was holding it in for all day and then you go to sleep and you shit. First of all, I don't, I don't like sleep farts. Why are we talking about, I dunno, but I'm gonna be honest with you. Oh, okay. Okay. There is nothing when I'm sleeping, I don't care. As the awake person. It is not nice. Okay, I'm with you, mark Buddy. Mm-hmm. Not nice. Oh, I Okay. Scott Ma. Many, many times. Many times. And I've even had the dog look back like, bitch, was that you? And I know the dog probably was like, Nope, don't stink. It's daddy. See, some people just don't stink. Whatever, dude. Sometimes I say, I ain't saying I don't stink. Sometimes it does, but 90% when it's the big, loud ones, it don't stink. What else would you tell your younger self? Oh shit. Well, um, don't trust a bitch. Well that stuff, but forget about that.'cause the most important is. I'd rethink kids. Oh, wow. Well,'cause you know, so you would say what part? What part? Like don't have sex. I wouldn't say that. Right. Wrap it better. Yeah. I would just know better. Be smarter. But I also would do a lot of things different. Like I don't know if I, like you would've never chose the fucking people you had kids with. Well, the first one, the first one, mark. Mark was, is a good, and was a great husband and father, but I would push back the time. Not being a mom with Brina so early. Early. Because I was already late. Early. Yeah. Yeah. That she was late. Um, Nathan didn't bother me at the time. Whatever, whatever. I just think about the marriage stuff. I would a hundred percent marry Mark, but we got married fast, but I just would like never'cause of, of you. No. He, he said, said, no. I know. I did not. Me, he, he's the one that said, let's get married. I said, okay. I just was, he was tired of living in sin. I was just trying to be like, whatever. At the time, I didn't care. Look at baby Jesus. He's judging y'all. He listening. Yeah. I think I would've, I've never experienced living on my own. Right. And I think at least for six months, just to have a clean house. You leave, it's clean, you come back, it's clean, you leave, it's clean, you come back. It's clean and the peace. I don't know about going to sleep at night. I don't like that part, but just that I travel. Well, you conditioned to it now. I would travel more. Yeah. Your conditioned to, well, before it would've bothered me exactly. When you fresh out of, I always dreamed of going to. So when you moved out of your mama's house, I moved in with my sister Lori. Okay. And Mark moved in. Didn't want me there. So you always lived with. Somebody always. Have you lived on your own? No. Right. I mean, I like to think I did because Scott was traveling a lot. Oh. But I still had them damn kids. Yeah. See, I've never been alone. No, I would, I would see that's the difference. I don't think I would change that aspect. Like I, I had my kids at the perfect time in life. Mm-hmm. The right time for me. Perfect mother. Yeah. According to Mobley situation. Um, no, but no, I would push it back a little bit, not having Brina'cause I was already 31. Yeah. I wouldn't push that more. But just the me and Mark were married 10 years before we had Brina. Right. I, I, stupid. Yeah. I, I wish I would've one. Traveled more. Yeah. I mean, thank God.'cause Gabby and Brina. They were born at the right time for each other when they were little. That was perfect. Yeah, that's true. I just meant, and our two would, our oldest and our two youngest. Isn't that crazy? Yes. Because you kept having, you don't fuck me on the two in between. You kept having them. I had to stop your ass wouldn't have another baby during fucking Brandon. You got that shit right. Mark had that X-Men fucking vein. Mark can have kids. Thank God. And then he did. But I'm just mean saved. Not that I wish I, it saved his life. I think. Wish, I'm glad I had my kids, but I wish in between Nathan and Brina, I would've traveled a little bit more and Oh, but you did and been married? No, I didn't. But your problem was you didn't travel, real travel. No. You only went to like Boone every year. That's it. You didn't, well, you guys went up to see his mom and them, right? No. Massachusetts in Maine. No, we went to Massachusetts for a day. Well, he is born in New York. She keep this shit up, dude. Okay. Then he moved to Massachusetts and now his family lives in Maine. His family lives in Maine. Um, but I always dream speaking, dream. I hate the fuckers. Sorry to like, um, Africa or Haiti or something and helping the kids. You're too kind. That's where my dream was. Jesus. That's what my dream was. And because I got married to Fast, had kids to fast whatever, I never got to do that. So if I'm going to be honest, two. Okay. So that's what I mean by I wish I didn't. Traveling. Traveling. That's so pretty much you wish you were a missionary? I would do that for sure. The only mission I like is missionary style. Okay. Okay. I'm not looking to be a missionary. This is her problem. I'm just saying this is the point. Okay. I'm a good person. Got a good heart. Are you? But. But Okay. I would've loved to been a missionary. Oh no. But I wasn't, I wasn't, um, it would break my heart too much. I can't see people like that. I don't like it. Yeah. But I would like it. I don't like it. I would love to do it. I, but I, I feel like I would've, if Mark would've been that same way and I had somebody say, okay, let's do it.'cause I'm a Ws. Right. So I'm just like, I don't think I can do it. I don't know if I can do it. Yeah. But I wanna do it. But Mark wasn't like, yeah, let's do that. I, I no knock on anybody that's doing it. Again. Like I said, I would love to do it. I only like missionary. I would do it right now. I'm not a missionary worker. Well, you won't missionary later. Them little kids, you see the video. Okay. I don't listen to that. It's just like when I see the SPCA. The dogs and the dude. Yeah. Shut it down. Turn it, switch it. Flip it. I ain't got time for it. Yeah, but you and your family love animals. I can't do animals like crazy. Oh, and we don't love people. I mean, have you not seen the halfway house? I run. Okay. Thank you. You should have just been a missionary and you wouldn't have that. Yeah, probably. You're probably right. Anyway, that's the only way I would change things, because now I'm 52. That's it. Or 53. How old am I? 53. You're fucking boring. Well. Well, you said, oh, I love my husband. I love my kids. I wouldn't change nothing. Hold on. First of all, never said I love my husband. Okay. I do love my husband. I just said I would've changed some things a little bit. Okay, but you're going to in depth. Okay. What do you want me to say? I would've changed. I would've farted some. I would said, yeah, yeah, yeah. You, I would've fucked markup with some gas in the beginning. That's what I want you to say. I was very. Strict in the beginning. So what? When am I gonna change Beginning? Perfect. No, of your relationship the last 10 years is way different than the 20. Lemme ask you this. 20. Would you tell yourself your younger self? Let's get to the real, real. Okay. Okay, let's go. You asked me the questions. I'll answer. Okay, I'm ready. Would you have told your younger self, if you could go back today? Go ahead and let him watch that porn. Not in your damn life. See, I didn't say I would change any of that. That's what I said the first 20 years. Okay. Okay. Well, even now, no, no, no, no, no, no. Tony. The first 20 years I was very, this is the way shit's going and that's the way it's gonna go. Okay. And Mark was such a great husband the last 10 years. She's itching. He's uh, he's still a good husband, but it's just like he don't listen as well. Well, he ain't allowed to still do shit. He knows lemon. There are limits. But he used to be very, like, when I'm sick, he takes such good care of me. But even now, like he walks me to the car, brings my cups. Yeah, that's a good, that's I like it. Yeah, he does stuff like that. But if I could change, lack in the last 10 years might be what I'd say to my husband. He, I would tell my younger window and he wants to talk long, and I, I'm not, I gotta go. Yeah. Now, see, this is why it's funny. I, I, I say yeah, I wanna be treated like that. That's a fucking lie. Lemme tell you why I like it. I've said this to Scott once. Okay? Once. Mind you, because his reaction was, do it yourself, bitch. Well, no, I said. You know, one time I just would like to be treated like a princess, like you to do everything for me. Open the door. Mm-hmm. You know, these nice little things that men used to do. Mm-hmm. For women. He said, bitch, you wouldn't want that. You'd be pushing the door open. Tell me I open the door wrong. You did. You're right. You're right. So you're right. Different than. That way. Yeah. I will change a tire. I don't need your help. Oh, I ain't changing tire. I ain't got time for that shit. I ain't, I'll sit on the side of that road. I know. See, you're, we fuck that dude. That's a man's job. But that's what's wrong with my daughter. Mm-hmm. If there's any trash needs taken out, um, that's what a man's for. I wouldn't say it's wrong. That's man's for. I'm just like, all right. But that's what it needs for. Here's my thing. Okay. Keep putting your expectations up there for the men. That's why you get disappointed, just saying, I let you down every damn time. I mean, don't rely on nobody. I'm, I know. See me and you are different. We're so different. Why are we friends? If you want me to be honest, because we're so different. Subtract in that part. I think it's because dual, we are like minded, um, because we're funny as fuck. That's, that's the other thing. I think also because we can. Play off of each other. Maybe. Like for me, I, I like to be able to go, damn, that's so sweet. And I like that, how she does that. And then I think, bitch, I would never allow that shit. You know? It's true. I just, it's true. But I like that also, we don't tell each other You need to be, this is the thing. What do you mean? This is why I don't have many friends. Why? Yeah. I can count my friends on my hand right now, like true friends. Okay. Meaning somebody that I see on a consistent basis. Mm-hmm. And hang out with and talk. Okay. I have two. Dang. You need some. It's sad. I know. It's just sad. You. Oh no. I have three. You have one? You have me. You ain't got nobody else. My sister. Well, that's your sister and my daughter. They could get your, and that's your daughter. She has one friend. Isn't that? That's the truth. I got one motherfucking friend. Okay. You know why? You ain't got time for no more. I one. I ain't got time and I don't trust no motherfuckers. Okay. Too many of these friends have tried to, fuck my man. Ain't happening. Oh my God. This is what I would tell my younger self. Okay, but this was 20 years ago. Watch out for them hoes. 30. Sorry. Yeah. 30, 30 years ago. Counted. Well they more than 30. Actually it was before you got married. Now I got you. The only one who can last you're safe.'cause I don't wanna screw my old man much unless somebody else she's safe. Yeah. So that's how it works. Okay, well I'm just saying that's how it works then. That's not the only reason because they tried to screw my man because I'm a bitch. I ain't got time for no bullshit. She said it first. She's the nice one. I'm the bitch. I'm kind hearted. I think with dogs. Oh bitch, you better drink up, bitch. Drink up. She loves some dogs. I do. You must be a damn dog then. Yeah, I am. I'm loving you. I just for that ain't got no fart noise left. I'm out of farts. Oh, anyhow. Anyway, whatever dude. So yeah, my weekend was fun. I want to go to the fall festival tomorrow Football festival. What if you were my friends? You evidently, I don't have any friends, people. My friend Ion and me. Oh, here we fucking go. We're gonna go to Fall Festival. The one who calls me whore. Pretty much. We're going to a fall festival tomorrow. First we're gonna go out to dinner. With 55 kids. Okay? Then we'll go to the fall festival. It's a corn, corn maze. You go through it, corn and Mark likes to scare people. You should come. Actually not happen. Come on, I'm inviting. You wanna see your husband get punched in the face? I, you think I care? Whichever you jump and scream or Mark is fun. No, I don't do that shit. He cuts through and star, don't fuck around with that. Come on. There's zero interest. Let's bring Gabby in. She, she has no interest either. Daytime. Yes. No, that's not fun. Yeah. Why would that be fun? Because then you, no, mark goes through the bushes. See, this is a thing you try to say, let's go back to this missionary then. Mission. What? What are they called? Missionaries. Missionaries. You like people? But you like to scare people. That's fun. That's not fun. Why? Ain't it fun? I'm old. You gonna gimme a heart attack? I'm older than you. Okay. Well, my heart's older. She's a wus is what she's saying. I ain't do it. No, because I such, yeah, but I'm, it's fun. For fun. So why you trying to fight somebody until it's, until it's not. I think you should go. Mark's got a gun on him. He's got a knife on him. Hey, just in case. I don't know what he's trying to do to me. Really well. I don't know what he's trying to do to me half the nights, but he does it. I'm kidding. Well, there you go. Probably shouldn't drink no more. I'm kidding. Well, if you want me to be honest, you probably should. Anyway, I, it's gonna be fun. You go through a maze, but there's got animals. They got a cow. They always have a cow. Yeah. That's why I go during the day. How the fuck you gonna see a cow at night? Well, you go at dusk, let's tip'em. No, that's not nice. So you wanna scare me, but you don't wanna scare a cow. Yes, I, let's get the shit outta cows. When we were younger and we were in Connecticut and I had good cows, because you're mean. One second. I'm nice. One second. I'm me. But hey, what about my, who would scare a cow? Who the fuck would scare me? Me. Right. That would be funny as shit. Come on. Please go. I'll pay for your ticket. Yeah. I already know. Well, you know it's coming when Mark disappears. Just be ready for it. That's what I do. It doesn't matter. Cindy, we could be sitting here right now. I know Scott's here. He could jump in here and go, wow. And I shit my faith. I think like a full on I would too, but it'd be funny. It's not funny. It makes me wanna punch you for laughing. Okay. You don't want a person like me around that. It's not fun. Aw it. It's funny at first, but I'm like a Debbie Downer when it comes to that. Then you're like, I'm mad now. Yeah, you're a baby back bitch. A hundred percent. I'm not gonna deny it. Well, you know, I want to take my niece, Lisa's kids. Those little kids. The boys 12, the 13. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah. Them are the ones. Them are the assholes. You scare. They were the ones. Ones They think they're so cool. Yeah. That's why you gotta do that to Zach. How cool. That's why we did it to Zach and Brandon when they were little. Yeah. And poor little Nathan, poor little Nathan, poor little Zach got shoved into the Texas chain Ofaw. You left as you. No, you left him. I was going to watch now, you know, fight or flight. Fight or flight. I just wanted to watch Which did you want bitch? I had Chuck a kid. I don't get shit. She left him. I was there with him. Don't but, but it was funny for me. Don't I would've left your ass to the Texas Chainsaw Massacre too. It's funny to me. I mean, I'm scared, but it's funny. I'm not doing any of that. I think, um, well first of all, but you sure love a Halloween party and to dress up. Yeah, I do. Mark can jump out after he pees around the corner of the house for the 10th time, he can come jump us. That's what Mark scare shit outta us. Every time we go trick or treating, he gets behind a bush and jumps out. Yeah. Every time you just gotta be ready for, those are the people I hated. That's why I don't trick or treat with your eyes. Uh, Nathan. And we, you and I never have. We Yeah, once when you lived in the, um, B section. B section. Mm-hmm. Okay. We used to drive the trucks, so you know, we didn't do nothing in front of Brina. She's a baby. That's some shit. But you wanna fuck up my poor little grand baby? You just said bring Winston and Gabby. Dude. Oh, Winston. He, he would like it. No, I'll just pick up Winston. I, I'll take He loves, loves how, like this is his shit. Okay. But he loves, don't like to be scared. Nobody in their right mind likes to be scared. Why do they make Halloween horn nights at Universal then? Because they're stupid. They don't want to be scared. I would go there every day, but I, I just don't wanna wait in the lines. Not me, dude. I know you're a wuss. No, it's just stupid to me. Oh. But us dressing up with a C, it's. I like to drink, hang out, laugh, not scream, cry shit myself, who is piss my pants fall on the floor and fucking shake. I'm not interested in that kind of stuff. I'm the opposite kind of party. Fun. Okay. Yeah, she's boring. Anyway, so I, I mean, I'm aware that, but guess what? I give the trick or treat this year.'cause guess what I heard Why Arianne taking Aria. Slayer's taking the twins so I get to trick or treat. They surprise me with it. You get to trick or treat this year, you could trick or treat with me and Gabby every year. With Winston. You choose not to. No. But last year, I don't even remember where y'all went last year. Cameron's every year. Oh yeah. I'm gonna have to do that because that good neighborhood. Yeah. Sugar mills shut down that shit last year'cause it was flooded. Yeah. Hopefully this year now I think they said they weren't gonna do it no more. No, it's just'cause it was flooded that year. Mm. Last year was flooded. Rich people problems. Yeah. Anyway, so Halloween is coming up. So now I gotta figure out a costume. We're gonna do a costume together. I think what starts with an A and a C, Achilles tendon. What can a be anyway? An apple, an asshole Apple. You could be an apple. Apple. I could be a carrot, an angel. Aw. Fruit salad. Yummy, yummy, yummy. We could do that. Um, but that would be really dumb. Winston could be watermelon. Yes. Whitney, he, uh, no. You know what? Winston's gonna be a werewolf. Alright? Mm-hmm. I like a werewolf. Mm-hmm. I think he'll be a good werewolf. He'll be cute. Anyway, so, um, what else, what else is new? Nothing. I mean, pretty much that was all I had. Nothing exciting. Coming up. This weekend's gonna be pretty boring. I got a lot coming up now. Oh my God. Thank God. The only thing I got is to start prepping for this cruise. Outside of that, nothing. Yes. And I got my list ready? Yeah. Cruise. So we gotta get our, get our cruising together. Yeah. I gotta, I got so much in my Sheen account. I need to start getting a couple things, see if they fit. You know? You never know. Yeah. I gotta get our shirts printed. I've gotta get all the mm-hmm. Things we're gonna hand out for the podcast on there. We're gonna do, we a live of podcasts, pens and shit. Oh no. The cards where they'll scan QR codes, where they scan it and answer on the podcast different. So you, you're very creative. I'm not, and don't forget to make my. I'll be doing that tonight, buddy. Thanks. Appreciate you. Okay. But yeah, so that's pretty much it. I don't have any other plans but making your wreath this weekend. Well, tomorrow I'm going to go to dinner and then a fall festival tonight. I'm hoping. Where is that? Text me shopping. There's one in St. Augustine, the one we go to all the time. Okay. I think it's sys or something. Okay. Anyways, it's in the country. Mm-hmm. Um, they have, it's really, it's a good one. Yeah. It's nice to have a bunch of stuff. They have food, drinks, pumpkin patches, animals. They got a bunch of games for the kids. Okay. It's really nice. I'll have to check it out during the day. Just come around seven 30. I don't do that night shift now. You know what's weird, but you Oh, they got sunflowers. They take you on a little ride. All the sunflowers. Yeah. So you know what we do? You go through the corn maze. Mm-hmm. And on the edge of the corn maze around it is all the sunflowers. So Mark runs outta the gourmets. Grab me some sunflowers. Runs back. After he scared the fucking life outta you. I think it's fun. It's what I want is my stalker to bring me flowers. Can't fucking wait. Hey, keeps, keeps your marriage happy, I guess if that's the excitement you all have. That's all I need. Just have sex. Oh, that, I mean, holy shit, dude. That's your all's foreplay nowadays. That's a, that's a, that's born in the past. That's a whole nother conversation. Um, how'd you get past me? I ain't even seen you drinking. I've been drinking and we've been drinking. Oh, I like that song. Drinking Any Who? I still haven't dyed my hair. She won't dye it. We're gonna do it today and I'm gonna speed up the video and I'm gonna post that shit on TikTok. We can do t tick, tick. We on ticket jacket ticket. Hot ticket. Tick, tick. Yeah, that's what we going to do. Yeah. It better not be coming out real red. You don't? No, I don't like Red Hat. Halloween's coming. You'll be fine. But I gotta start with something with a C flame on What's C With red hair. Cunt. That's what we usually call'em. Carrot. Oh, here we go. That's one. No, that's got a gr, green and orange. All right. Whatever. Anyway. Yeah. Well, I think that's about it. That's it. We'll have to, uh, you'll have to tune in on TikTok to see. If her hair color changes or if it just dies. The gray, Hey, I like the gray. Come on, look at that. Oh, speaking of which, I just found out my hair girl no longer works at my salon. What are you gonna do for six hours of the day? You go, I got a new one. Come on. Carina wants to get her hair done. Yeah, she wants to so bad. But then lemme tell you what else she wants to get done. Well, mark is going to told her he's gonna kick her out if she does it. And she gets all nervous now. I bet you she won't do it until she wants lip filler. I needed to, I need to go stop, but you so you can't talk to her. Yeah, don't talk. Mark said, let Brina, you better stop talking about it'cause you'll get kicked out. Really? If you get lip filler, you better find a place to live. And she's like, what's the problem? I said, you're vain dude. Talking about vain. I can't. I said, if you do lip filler, then I'm selling feet pics. She said, that's the disgusting. You know what boys do with feet pics? I said, you know what they would do with them lips? Just saying, you heard it here first. Yeah. Hey, oh, you dad, lock them down. So Mark told her she had to get. Well, I hate to say it. He is gonna kick me out because I got some lines and shit that I need to do. Maybe you and Bri can go get some bogo. Me and me and Brenda get the BOGO and she can just move in. I mean, fuck it. Yeah. You gonna need more roommate too? She can put her little bed behind it. Yeah, she'll be all right. We'll put it in the studio. Yeah. She wants lip fillers. Her lips aren't that small. Stop. Well. I'll have to look at'em next time. See, no, don't say a word.'cause we'll kick her out. As soon as I see her, I'm be like, bitch, you need your lip lips filled. She'll be like, die. Yeah. Yeah. She wants lip fill. So I told her there's some rock stuff. It's called rock. I think you get it and it plums you. I've done it. I've done it all. I don't plump it up much. I said, how about I punch you in the lip? I get yourself a cold sore. She said Just a half a, yeah, exactly. A half a vial. Something like that. Yeah. Oh four half Botox. Botox is the No, she wants, I need both. That's what they're gonna do to me. What? Clicking and popping. Clicking and bopp anyway. You'll be kicked out too. Well sad'cause I do have an appointment in October, so Great. It is October. I know. Did you miss your appointment? No, it's coming up. Oh, okay. Don't be showing Brina. That shit, dude. Brenda's 22. And what's that mean? Well, 21. What does that mean? She don't need it. Exactly. I'm 51. Just don't tell her she and a you stop smoking a long time. Well, no, I know I'm not smoking, but that's why I have the issues I have. I could probably tolerate, see, I don't need my, I'm not looking for, I mean, I like a little fat or lip, but I'm not looking for it. It's mainly the, the smoker's lines. Mine are deep. Kind of like my stretch mark scars. I got, I got smokers and I don't even smoke. That's from doing that face. You don't have smokers'. Lines. You're an idiot, dude. This is just pure, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb. All well, cheers from dumb, dumb to dier. Dummy or dumb. Dumb and dumber. Cheers. Mm-hmm. Thanks for watching. Hope you enjoyed. Thanks guys. Sorry for the craziness. You know, that's just us. It just happens. Bye bye.